Maternal Burnout During the Pandemic

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Hey Mommas, Hey!

Thanks for chatting with me today!  I’ve taken a break from writing because I was struggling with the issue titled above, and my bet is that moms throughout the nation are facing this challenge right now with me.  

These are strange times we are living in with distance learning, working from home, community activities canceled, and a lack of connection to the outside world; all leaving us to manage motherhood with little to no help. 

WHAT IS BURNOUT?

Transparent moment: most days I’m exhausted!  As a military spouse I’d already lacked the physical support of my biological family, but the additional limitations added from the pandemic have added an extra layer of challenge.  

Many caretakers are at risk of burnout due to their focus on the care of others, which leads to a lack of self-care.  I’m a huge advocate of self-care, and schedule it weekly, but life happens and no one is perfect. 

So, what is burnout? Burnout “refers to a specific syndrome of exhaustion related to prolonged situations of emotional imbalance, where the burden of perceived stress exceeds personal resources to cope with it” ¹. As it relates to parenting and motherhood, the source of burnout results from being overwhelmed by parental roles.

SIGNS OF BURNOUT: 

Studies show that parental burnout occurs in 14% of parents with the following signs: 

1. The presence of both physical and emotional exhaustion. 
2. Distancing emotionally from your children.
3. Feelings of incompetency as a parent¹.

Note: This differs from postpartum depression because it happens in parents with children 18 months or older, symptoms are directly linked to parenting, and the depressive mood is only associated to parenting ¹ .

CAUSES OF BURNOUT: 

According to the previously mentioned study, the overarching theme present in burnout is FEAR ¹.  

1. Fear of Not Being a Good Parent.  Before we became parents, my husband and I had conversations about how we envisioned parenthood.  We’d discussed what we liked and disliked from experiences with our own parents.  We researched how to lovingly discipline our child.  I even had a special board on Pinterest with all of the developmental milestones.  Ya’ll, we had all kinds of plans… then the baby came…. Within the first glimpse of my son I was afraid and just hoped I’d be able to keep this helpless little guy alive through the first night! Today fears of not being capable or good enough creep up less, but when they do they are quieted with the support of my family, friends, and connection to God.  
2. Fear of Losing Emotional Control.  As a social worker, I’ve been taught the tools to navigate through the challenges that come with parenting.  I have knowledge of child development and can rattle off tips to aid children with emotional regulation.  I can provide guidance for parents to maintain emotional control within themselves. Most days I remember these tips and use them on my child and myself, but remember what I said previously about no one being perfect?  Well, not even this social worker momma here gets it right all of the time.  Sometimes I say the wrong thing to my child or even yell.  One thing I have committed to and pray I always continue to do is admit when I’m wrong.  When I do lose emotional control, I apologize to my child and express what a correct response looks like.  I’m not perfect, that’s ok, but I must teach my child to acknowledge mistakes. 
3. Fear of Losing Your Sense of Self.  This one is a biggy for me; I have a huge desire to stay connected to myself.  I will often say to my girlfriends that I need time to just-be-Charity.  This means time off from being a wife and mom, just a moment to be in touch with ME.  We need to remember to love ourselves, this is where self-care comes into play.  (Check out my post Moms Need “Me-Time” for details on self-care encouragement.)  Outside of motherhood, who are you?  What makes you happy?  Is it a hobby?  Career?  A self-care activity?  Find that thing and don’t lose sight of it. 

THIS WEEK’S CHALLENGE: 

Self-awareness is the first step to navigating through challenges that we face.  We must be aware of ourselves mentally, physically, and spiritually to affect change in our lives. 

This week let’s find 10 minutes of quiet time to complete the below self-awareness chart: 

For me, when my spiritual health is off everything else falls as well. One way I care for spiritual health is through starting my day with Jesus. The daily devotional Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young is one of my favs, check it out here:

APPLICABLE BIBLE VERSE: 

Isaiah 41: 10

Mommas, this crazy pandemic is a struggle but if we think through all of the challenges we’ve faced in motherhood, I bet we’ve survived through worse!  Let’s remember that we were assigned this position of ‘mother’ by God and He won’t allow us to fall.  When we feel maternal burnout flaring up we can get through it by intentionally taking care of ourselves and being in harmony with our individual needs.  Allow yourself permission to love you!  Looking forward to chatting next week as we share support through REAL LIFE, FROM ONE MOM TO ANOTHER!    

Chat Soon,

-Charity

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References

¹Hubert, S., & Aujoulat, I. (2018). Parental burnout: When exhausted mothers open up. Frontiers in Psychology, 9, 1021. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.01021